Uncharted Territory

Over the last 4 weeks I have lived in 5 different locations: Kooralbyn, Jimboomba, Hoppers Crossing, Pascoe Vale and my current location (which I am unable to reveal for my own safety (which I will talk about in another blog)). Every time I have moved I have released numerous things from material, emotional and physical. I moved to Victoria with whatever I could fit into the back of the car I hired, everything else was given away.

I had a great chat to a Yoga teacher today, she helped me realize the enormity of the choices that I have made over the last month and the courage and strength it took to be able to achieve this one goal. The release of doing just that was huge; the implications now only coming to the surface…. The reality of what I did, BIG, hence the emotional outbursts that come forth within me as I’m beginning to understand what is happening around me.

I want to scream, rant and rave, let out the aggression, anger that is building up within me. Here is my inspiring talk to myself –“WTF are you doing? Find your centre, find your strength, find your balance, find YOU… I can do this; I’ve got this… do what you came down here to do? Which is? I’m not even sure, anymore. Stop allowing outside things to influence you, stop listening to the people around you, they are just trying to get into your head to distract, to get their own way, to bully and manipulate you. Why didn’t I see that sooner? Because you were trying to please those around you, keep everyone happy, keep the peace. Oh… I love my self-talks, they are so inspiring.

While we’re at this finger pointing – I’m annoyed with myself for not taking better care of me.

I’m in a strange city, unfamiliar, so many different cultures, suburban, ethical backgrounds; I’m lost in a sea of uncharted territory, allowing the emotional tides to come and go as they renew the sand on the shores. It sounds so poetic.

Rain, rain; go away come again another day – Victoria can be miserable with the weather constantly cold and wet, the sun attempts to creep out from behind the clouds only to be overrun by darker, bigger clouds – bursting, overflowing, emotion waiting to explode down on the world below. The darkness held within, taking the negative from the people below-releasing a cleansing on the earth to renew and refresh the ground in which we all walk. A icy cold breeze – creeping into the depth of your bones – coldness from the inside out. Trying to keep warm, wrapped in scarves, gloves, beanies and layers of clothing. Warmth… coldness….. Balance of the energies within to bring harmony back into your life.

Creating the life I want, creating my very own masterpiece within me, bringing about my hearts desires in my grounding, balance, peace……piecing together the right words to express what I’m feeling is not working… just words on a screen, not making much sense at the moment. Write and rewrite… delete and write some more, copy and paste.

Wanting to scream… it’s loud on the inside… but nothing is being heard from beyond my mind… no one can hear my screams, except for me. Screaming for the release of my soul, to find my new freedom, not taking on the crap around me or allowing my old ways to fall back into a comfort zone off what once was, what my body has always known and expected from the world, but allowing only the new to remain without taking back the old. Keeping the freedom within me and not allowing the pressures of my new environment to take heed of……… Not allowing the negative and the heaviness of the new job to create a wedge between my new reality, my new experiences and my new world of discovery. My need for a Spiritual connection with like-minded people– my familiar, my soul, my family, the core of my life.

Forgetting to live in the moment, in the now – worry, concern creeps in about mundane things, have I slipped back into the way of things, allowed the scared little girl to come out , the one that doesn’t trust or believe that something great is happening, the old belief of not being good enough….

Perceptions

Life is funny at times… the little things that you seem to miss from day to day. The sunshine for one, the familiar faces of customers coming and going, family and friends (even the ones that irritate that something deep within you), the wild life and mother nature’s beauty of rolling mountains and the tall shadows of the trees. All of those things that you take for granted….. I miss them all. Life is different here in Victoria (well…the suburb I’m currently in). There is very little nature (I’m no longer in the country), only concrete and brick buildings, the homes squashed and packed like sardines. The weather is cold and miserable, the colours so dark and dreary – black, grey, brown. Where is the colour to brighten up those hard days of torment that you see on people’s faces?

The lack of smiles, expression, joy and happiness as you pass them in the street. It’s so miserable, people don’t want to look you in the eyes, make contact… Why is that? Is it, fear of someone seeing the truth within, have they just given up on having or being something more or has society created an attitude of conformity – where everyone just follows the one in front, not questioning the outcome.

Yesterday I saw two homeless people – one guy he was just sitting there outside of Coles with no expression on his face; a numbness of despair, he was holding up a $10 note, just staring at it, it’s like he didn’t know what to do with it, not believing that someone gave him money – he was disengaged, deserted his body – the soul and spirit had already left (hope gone). And then at the train station this older women, her cheeks were red from the cold air, with no shoes wandering around disorientated, devoid, a lack of hope within her eyes, she seemed to have abandoned and resolved to the fact that this was her life, it wasn’t getting any better.

Heartbreaking to see, everyone just walking on by, not even noticing – like neither of them even existed. People blind by choice, not wanting to see, not wanting to acknowledge that this is what our society has created. Homelessness!!

 “You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say you did not know”

William Wilberforce

The public seems to have their own perception of homelessness, as being an older man or women with a drinking or drug problem who sleeps in an inner-city park or street. However, it’s more than just that. Homelessness can affect men, women, and children from a wide range of backgrounds. It is often masked by the fact that people experiencing homeless move from one temporary solution to another, making do until they can find permanent accommodation.

The hidden homeless as they call it – move between the homes of family members or friends, stay in refuges, boarding houses, motels, caravans and even cars. Uncertainty can take an enormous toll on a person’s self-worth.

If you would like to know more about homelessness and how you can help please click on one of the links below:

https://vincentcare.org.au/?services=about-homelessnessunder-housing-and-homeless

https://www.homelessnessaustralia.org.au/about/homelessness-statistics.

https://www.melbourne.vic.gov.au/community/health-support-services/social-support/Pages/help-homeless.aspx